Do you often get into a situation where you feel you have to constantly explain something to someone? Or you have to defend yourself? So you explain, defend, respond to various stimuli around you and you feel exhausted? Maybe you feel drained few hours or days later?
Do not let the bahavior of others destroy your inner peace.
I worked in tourism for a long time and learned to take care of our clients so they feel like they are in cotton. I had to make sure everything runs perfectly. I anticipated possible problems and paid attention to every single detail. Happy client was the goal.
But having these work habits in a normal life is not always easy. Whenever I enter the hotel room I automatically scan it. In a restaurant I watch how the service is today. It is not easy to change that but I can change my reaction to what I find. In some areas it is easier, in others less.
It also happened to me that I tend to defend myself, or the others. I needed to explain my view but sometimes afterwards I realized it was better to not to.
Some reactions got imprinted in us and whenever the same or similar situation appears we unconsciously act according to what we had learned.
Our reactions become predictable. We do not even have to realize that. Sometimes maybe we do but what should we do about it? Why should we change that?
What matters is how you feel in such situations. If it is exhausting, it means you are investing your energy in something that is not in line with you, your path or goal. Thoughts, feelings swirl and you lose inner peace.
Staying calm provide us the opportunity to decide how to respond.
We react constantly. Sometimes the reactions take place in our head and it might seem that if we just think about it nobody can see it. But our thoughts have their energy that travels along with what we do or say. You can feel such energy when you enter a room full unknown people, you sense the atmosphere just in a few seconds.
Other times we react with our body too. Someone is lucky or unlucky to have visible body reactions. They appear in face, look, posture. We use our hands a lot, our voice changes, we roll our eyes, get red cheeks. It all reveals that we are not calm at all.
During the day we have a lot of opportunities to respond to various situations. We open our eyes early in the morning, and depending on how we slept, we either decide to feel angry that it wasn’t great and we create scenarios in our head that the whole day will be worth nothing. Or instead, we stay calm and do not allow to unleash the negative thinking.
Silence, even in the head, is sometimes the best answer.
You want to buy some breakfast on the way to the office and the lady in the bakery is not very nice to you? What will you do? Will you explain her how to talk to the customers? Will you overcome it with a humor? There are many ways how to react.
At work you have some company meeting on your schedule and you have to present your ideas on some improvements. Maybe there is a colleague in the team that never supports you? Or even your boss is hardly ever very positive about your suggestions? What will you do? How will you react? How do you feel at work? And does it border you even when the working hours are over?
Then we have some relationship in our private life. There are feelings involved. Sometimes it happens that instead of a quiet conversation everything gets out of control and you both do not understand how come you did not manage that differently again.
Try different approach. Allow yourself the opportunity do decide how to respond.
Just stop before you want to say anything or you are carried away with the restless feelings and thoughts. Think what is worth to do to keep you calm. There is also this advice count to ten. I know, it’s easy to say but harder to do. Most of the time, we only realize things when everything is over.
Write down a list of reactions that make you feel exhausted. Notice if they repeat often. If you can’t think of anything take your time and watch your feelings you have during the day. You may be surprised about what you discover. Pay attention also to the actions when you make the other people feel not good with your comments and attitudes. For example, if your colleague made mistake and you can’t keep yourself back from reminding him/her how often this happens.
It is the least complicated one for you with least emotions involved from your side. Do not try to change the complex things for example related to your relationship. It is better to start with easier situations so you can practice for the more complicated ones.
You can try to work on responses related to people you do not know. For example shop assistant. Next time he/she behaves in a way that is not entirely customer friendly, take a moment and think about whether it is worth to be upset or not.
You can also choose something that relates to you. For instance you are not in a good mood during the rainy days. Or when you drive a car you get angry easily and swear often. Decide for the easiest thing first.
This is a very important part. If the intention for the change is that you want to please someone or you want others to do things your way, then it won’t work much. Do not expect gratitude or anything else. Act with your heart, with ease and joy. Your inner peace is important.
You can practice your reactions by playing them in your head or saying them out loud. Play with the wording so it resonates with you and keep your inner balance at the same time. If you struggle with the formulation, imagine you are on the other side. What would you like to hear?
Allow yourself the option that you do not have to comment or react on everything. People around see us through their own glasses. They compare things with their experiences, feelings and what they would do themselves being in our shoes. I think there are just few people that can really see things from our perspective and understand what is really important for us. But you are the only person who knows best what you need or what is right for you.
Try to respect the opinions of others the same way you wish others respect yours. No matter whether you agree with them or not.
So don’t be angry with people for their comments. Don’t take them personally, because they really have nothing to do with you. Instead of defending yourself and providing long explanations, just do not react. Get over it. Do not keep any unpleasant feelings or resentment. I am sure you know the say silence is golden. Or someone said that over a years he made big effort to learn how to speak until he understood silence is better.
I remember when I understood that I really can’t take anything personally. I worked in a job where my phone rang all the time and I dealt with unpleasant issues. I had one of those not easy phone calls while I was shopping. When placing the goods on the belt the phone call was over and I was in a bad mood. The lady at the cashier desk was very nice but I did not smile, I was somewhere else as the work problem was difficult. I noticed the lady stopped smiling too. Her mood changed. There was nothing wrong about her. It was all in my head.
It has happened to me several times that people “behaved” the same way with me and I remember I was thinking if there is anything wrong with me? No there is not!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible…
Try one day just observing. Let things happen around the way they happen. Become a witness of that all. Do not comment, do not swirl your feelings and thoughts. It is refreshing, liberating and sometimes difficult.
Do not be strict to yourself if making mistakes. Remember the other skills you already have and how you acquired them. Give yourself space, time and take it easy. We are not super beings, but humans and making mistakes is human.
Constructive thinking and action is very helpful especially in the work environment. It will keep you on your track and your feelings and thoughts to not overwhelm you.
Observe how you feel when responding consciously. If you think it could have been better try something else next time. Be creative.
And last advice, do not overload yourself. Try to work on one thing only. Take it step by step playing and enjoying the whole process.
I wish you many beautiful moments on your calm wave.